What the hell does perfectionism have to do with intimacy? If it’s your main defense when you get vulnerable or you use it to push people away - everything. Perfectionism is the killer of connection.
Shame. Brene Brown is an expert researcher on the subject, but we are all experts in feeling it. Shame in how we’ve failed at something, shame at how we’ve treated others at one point or another in our life, shame for our desires, shame about how someone else has treated us. What happens when we actually talk about that thing we feel so much shame around? Magic.
When was the last time you looked at your naked body in the mirror and felt absolute, overwhelming self-love? For me, it was this morning right after I got out of the shower. I even did a little dance, swaying my hips side to side and giving myself a ‘you rock!’ attitude. It might sound cheesy, but why? Would you love to love your body that way?
The worst way to think about conflict in personal relationships is a power struggle. A relationship fosters an energy exchange between people, so if you have to be right and the other person has to be wrong, it’s an uneven exchange and that’s what leads to endings. However, if you hold both people and their feelings as true, you’re creating a dynamic where you can come together and experience more power, growth, love, and connection between you both. Conflict is uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be mean, messy, or destructive. Healthy conflict can lead to expansion, new engagement, and overall deeper connection.
When I meet someone who blows me away by their beautiful, powerful, connected Self I am in awe (regardless of that person being a man or woman). I am inspired to be more of myself, to push past my comfort zones and bring my self-expression to a new level. I would never dream to ask someone to dim their light, quiet down and constrict their spirit. I want to live in a world where it is ok for EVERYONE to thrive. Where everyone feels the right to be here in whatever form that takes. To live without a need to use your power to overtake someone, but use your power to encourage and love more deeply. I’ve seen communities where that exists - experienced where that is possible. Because we are human, here on earth, we have the power to choose how we show up. I choose loving authority, I choose letting other people be right in their own way, I choose showing up as my wild, earthy, fully present being and ALL that comes with that.